Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
