I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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