His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
