I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
