Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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