she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
