2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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