If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
