she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
