If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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