another moral hangover. fuck.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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