apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
