I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found puke in my bra..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
