I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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