I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sex in a hospital.. check
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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