I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
