i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
