im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
