Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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