my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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