Betty ford says i'm here all night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
