Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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