A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
