you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
