he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
