i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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