come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
