What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
