omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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