Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
