It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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