You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
