Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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