If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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