I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
