Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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