so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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