Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
