kristin has been a bad kristin
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
