I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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