My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
