just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
