Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
