By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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