Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
