whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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