Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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