I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
