i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
