Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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