Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
