It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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