I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
